EPCOT 30th, Wreck-It Ralph, and other such nonsense.

I feel a bit bad for all of this, because I've neglected to write anything for nigh-on 20 days since I returned from Walt Disney World and EPCOT center's big 30th anniversary of existing.

I wish I had more to say, because it was both an amazing and horrific week.  I finally got to meet Leonard Kinsey and the beautiful Pentakis Dodecahedron, both of whom I am in love with, proposed to my girlfriend (they were there!  We have witnesses!) met Nomeus who, I am happy to report, is a wonderful guy, and got to meet our new roomies, Chris Wakefield of the Wakefield Report and the lovely Daniel Bennett.

We were practically rained out of our Halloween party while we were there, caught a stomach bug that made us both vomitty slobs for half the week, and missed our chance to meet Kristen Hoetzel and Aljon Go from Sorcerer Radio fame, which really cooked my grits.  I hated missing them, especially on an EMH night, but life's a bitch and then you die.  I'll see them again soon, I'm sure.

Since then, I've moved to Florida!  Yaaaay! Cue applause, please.  It beats the hell out of Kentucky, and now I'm only two hours from the world instead of eighteen.  Marvelous!  I just wish my cat wasn't such an a-hole, I'd like to get him out and moving about, interacting with his new cousins, you know?

For the EPCOT 30th, I must steer you to WDW Kingdomcast, Wakefield, and the Fanboys.  I have, unfortunately, not nearly enough to say for this trip.  Spending half of it throwing up everything will do that to you.

What I can say, however, is that Wreck-It Ralph is PHENOMENAL!  I actually expedited our move so we could get over to see it, and it was fabulous.  I even went as Fix-It Felix!  I really hate to spoil it, so I'll only say that I'll be seeing this movie about a thousand more times, that it made me cry, and that I am so grateful I had good friends there to see it with me.  We even got Hero's Duty Medals!  Check out the picture!

The event itself was awesome.  The organization was really good (I think we can thank Walt Disney Animation Studios for that) and I managed to even save my wrist band.  The medals were of really good quality, very heavy and quite lovely.  I got pounced on by Cast Members to say "I can fix it~" into a camera, so be on the lookout for me in the Disney Parks Blog coverage for the Wreck It Ralph preview!  I'd like to thank them a thousand times for the medals, the free soda and popcorn, the free MOVIE admission, and the free admission into DisneyQuest--I don't think I'd ever go in there otherwise.  Playing Fix-It Felix, Jr. on a machine was killer, too!  I placed 3rd on the machine on the 3rd floor, and I'll be back to land first place within the year.  I've been practicing.

Tomorrow we're headed to WDW to see Fantasyland (wink) and check out Pirates.  We're even staying to do the Halloween Party again, since we got rained out last time (and I'm in love with Master Gracey the Ghost Host).  We're staying at the Wilderness Lodge, which is so neat since I haven't stayed off the beaten path since Port Orleans French Quarter two years ago (it's been Bay Lake Tower ever since) and hopefully I'll have an article up Friday night.  Sound good, kids?

Until Friday!

-Candy

You know what?

Fuck haters.  It's just not even worth my time or effort.  I just have a sense of clarity right now about all this nonsense and it's not bothering me anymore.

Disney is gonna be /awesome/ this year.

PEEEACE MOTHERFUCKERRRRS

Good Things, Bad Things, Disney Things

It's the 28th of September, and I leave for Walt Disney World with my girlfriend October 1st, so I'm starting to feel kind of excited.  Unfortunately, there's a lot of really dumb shit going on in my life right now, but I won't bore you with the details...but it's bad enough that for a while, up until yesterday, I was kinda like "eh, Disney."  Me.  I'm the goddamn Disney Bitch, and I had a legitimate moment of non-excitement for my seven night, eight day, Holy-Shit-This-Is-Gonna-Be-Awesome DISNEY TRIP.  But, it's come and gone, and the excitement has begun to re-mount.

Let's do the 'bad shit' about this trip first, shall we?  I've got a $1 pending charge on my card and I can't figure out what the hell it is.  At this point, after doing some web research, talking to WDW billing and my bank, we're all pretty sure that it's just them making sure my credit card guarantee for one of the restaurants I'm eating at will actually work.  Like, making sure the actual card number is valid.  They told me to watch it, and if it actually /clears/ to call and dispute the bejeezus out of it.  I just hate that even if it turns into a larger amount, the bank can't dispute it until it clears, so I could literally be out that money for a while if that does happen.  I'm not entirely worried about it, but I will be monitoring everything very closely.

I've an order from Amazon that I needed to bring with me on the trip, but FedEx pissed around enough that it won't be here on time, so now I have to spend another $20 to have it shipped to my resort.  That's $20 I could have used to buy more liquor at the World Showcase at the food and wine festival.  That's two and a half beers.  Fuck you, FedEx.  Here's the part that really grinds my gears too--according to the tracking, it was literally in Hebron, KY (right in the next town over) and then shipped to Indianapolis, IN, and then back to Hebron.  At this point, I wanna be like, assholes, just let me pick it up.  I know where the sorting facility is.  And it's not something that can wait till after the trip, but it's not something I can talk about just yet.  I'll fill you all in a little bit later.  SUPER SECRET SURPRISE.

Finally, I had to cancel my reservation at 'Ohana.  I'll explain why in the next paragraph, and it actually has something to do with the $1 pending charge mentioned above (I think).  The really super-shitty thing though is that I can't get back in on any of my free days.  I'm willing to even do a super late seating but NOOOOO, nothing is available.  I'll keep checking, right up to the end of our trip, but at this point, I may just have to suck it up and go to Kona Cafe--thanks to my CoHost Sam for pointing out that they have a lot of the same food!  I think my ladyfriend was just wanting to see the show.

Now, onto the good news!

WE GOT INTO CALIFORNIA GRILL!  We've been waiting two years to do this (and I know people have waited a LOT longer) but I saw an opening and took it.  Unfortunately, that meant cancelling 'Ohana, but...WE GOT INTO CALIFORNIA GRILL!  I think we're doing the sushi and sashimi platters, since we're suckers for sushi and sashimi.  That night's gonna be super cool, too!  I'm so psyched!

Also, I got approved for the Premier Disney Rewards Visa!  There's an annual fee, but everything else about the card totally offsets it--including a $50 onboard credit on cruise ships.  I can't wait to totally abuse the perks when I get down there.  I've been building my credit for a while now, hoping to get my hands on this card.  When I started making phone payments and the Discover offers started coming in, I knew I was golden so...I gave it a shot.  Approved!

Finally, I'm going to Disney World!  I mean come on, no matter what bad things happen, knowing that I'm going AND it's all completely paid off (resort, tickets, dining plan, and gift cards to pay for everything else) and I don't have to worry about a damn thing while I'm down there really makes it for me.  Plus, I get to meet a lot of friends in person that I've only known through all the blogging and podcasting the group does.  And I'm having dinner with Leonard Kinsey and Pentakis Dodecahedron, both of whom I am totally in love with.

Plus, Grimm comes back on tonight.  FUCK YEEEEEAH MONROOOOOOEEEEE!

It's red.  Like my burning love for you.

REVIEW: From Dreamer to Dreamfinder

Okay, so it's been a long-ass time since I've posted anything, but with my trip to Colorado, Disney trip on the horizon, and move to Florida after that (along with some personal bullshit) life just caught up to me and I didn't have a chance to plug anything into the ol' blogaroo.  I needed to get back to this thing and get back in the groove of it, as the trip to Disney looks like it might be (as Leonard Kinsey said in a stunning interview for the WDW Lost Girls podcast last night--thanks!) a Hunter S. Thompson book in the making, and I plan on chronicling it.

When I bought Ron's book, it actually had nothing to do with him being the Dreamfinder.  I was attracted to the story of a man who decided that he wanted to do something and pursued it.  I am, quite literally, doing just that with my life right now so the book was basically a big ball of nip for me.  I couldn't stay away.

On the content of the book, every story is told with such detail that you feel as though you're there, in the scene with Ron as he tells you his story.  The book covers way more than his 'tour' at Disney, too.  There's the lead up, his initial desire--seeing Wally Boag and deciding that that's what he wanted to do--and this his path to get there.  My favorite part of the book is Chapter Five, where he tells about being part of a loud, wild dinner show that revolves around Henry VIII and his court.  Finally, we get to the payoff.  Spoiler, alert, by the way.

He becomes the Dreamfinder, a still-relevant symbol of what EPCOT was, a beloved character that still has people enchanted today.

That's really all I want to say about the content of the book--read it yourself.  What I do wanna talk about is the technical aspects of the book.  The tone is spectacular, reads as though it was someone actually telling you a story, rather than someone talking at you.  The book is paced appropriately, with a few flashbacks and flash forwards where appropriate, to tie off loose ends.

The length of the book is appropriate too.  It doesn't drag on with a lot of fluff to bulk the book unnecessarily, but it doesn't leave you wanting more.  Well, it DOES, but in a positive way, rather than the "that was it?" way that seems to plague so many books these days.  I'm actually looking forward to rereading it over the next week to pick up the little bits that I missed because I read the book in a few chunks.

I love the book.  Love the stories.  And I love how much it has inspired me on such a personal level.

It almost inspired me as much as this .gif image.

REVIEW: The Haunted Mansion (PS2) 2003

Well, I'm back.  Sorry it took so long for another blog entry, but between stupid internet drama, moving back home (finally) and preparing for a Walt Disney World trip and my own move to sunny Sarasota, I really just haven't had the time to do this review.  But, I do now, so here it goes!

Okay, so for a looong time, I had no idea this game existed.  I saw the movie ages ago and kinda said NO NO NO NO over and over again when it came to shit other than the ride itself.  Anyway, I've been writing a lot of shitty fanfiction lately and in my research, I stumbled upon this game.  I decided to give it a shot since it got better reviews than the movie and Guillermo del Toro's 'vision' is probably not gonna happen anytime soon.  It was definitely a gamble, but it's one that I'm essentially glad that I took, even if I feel like I'm a little bit late to the party.



                                                                                                           

I got the game used on Amazon from an independent dealer for 6 bucks, and that includes tax and shipping.  Came with the case and the book, too, and they were in great shape, as was the game disc itself.  Sadly, they did not come with the free movie voucher, which I would have enjoyed having for the lulz if nothing else.  Pictures would have been taken and Eddie Murphy would have been photoshopped in.

Anyway, we tore into the game pretty much immediately, and we were introduced to Ezekiel Halloway (who prefers Zeke), a young man who'd lived his entire lives in orphanages and is trying to become a writer.  Zeke's answered an ad in the newspaper asking for a caretaker to come and assist caring for the old mansion, not realizing that it was the forlorn spirits of the Mansion reaching out for help.

The controls are, thankfully, very easy to get used to.  Zeke is not a 'tank' like so many heroes of his time were (looking at you, Redfield family.  Zombies are no excuse to pilot like a school bus).  Tilting the analog stick forward makes him move forward, there's a button to jump, a button to attack, and a button to gather 'withered' spirits.

Your goal is basically to rescue the 999 Happy Haunts from Atticus Thorn, a malevolent priest that leads the Brotherhood of Shadows--a death cult.  Zeke reluctantly agrees, and is a real trooper the entire time.  He's been described by other reviewers as a coward, which I don't think is fair at all.  Yeah, he's scared--but he helps these ghosts in spite of his fear.  Pretty damn brave if you ask me.

Me, however...I was not so brave half the time.  The game has some amazingly effective scares that play on sight and sound.  I'd hate to spoil the scares for anyone, so I won't say too much except  that you'll be on your toes--and you'll be swearing.  I don't remember how many times I shouted "oh shit" or "fuck me" while scrambling to get my bearings while being attacked.  

There are 'boss fights' which can be anything from an actual fight to a ball-bustingly irritating puzzle or eight.  There are plenty of cameos from well known characters--ghosts we've seen at the Haunted Mansion over and over again, if we've seen the attraction in person--including Phineas, Ezra and Gus, the Hitchhiking Ghosts, the organ player, the Duelist...Zeke himself seems to even be a younger version of the Caretaker in the graveyard scene of the attraction...y'know, the one with the skinny-ass dog?  The resemblance is definitely there, only young Zeke is a bit skinnier and seems to really go for the eye makeup.

The music is fantastic.  It doesn't abuse Grim Grinning Ghosts, and you only hear the entire version of the song during the credits.  Hit pause, though, and you'll hear an adorably maddening loop of the Dapper Dans singing their intro to the classic song over...and over...and over, until you've unpaused the game.

Overall, I give the game an 8/10.  The only negatives are the jarring puzzles that can occasionally take you off guard and irritate the piss out of you, and an anti-climactic final boss fight that leaves you wanting a little more.  Definitely worth the few bucks you'll have to shell out for the game, and still worth it if you have to pick up a used PS2 from your local GameStop.

Scattering Ashes at Disney

Cremation seems to be growing in popularity as a way for people to tend to their dead.  Walt Disney himself was cremated, but I'm sure there are still people who hold tight to the idea that he's frozen somewhere in the Utilidors (I maintain he's in Spaceship Earth, a real spaceship that will take off December 21, 2012 with Walt's Chosen Ones aboard where he will awaken and take them to the promised land on a distant planet).  Scattering ashes is nothing new, either.  From romantic images of a lover's ashes being scattered in the countryside, over a lake or the ocean, to The Dude getting a face full of Donny's ashes courtesy of Walter, it's a scene we've become all too familiar with.

"Goddammit, Walter!  Fuckin' asshole!"

What's totally astounded me, however, is the fact that this happens often at the Disney Parks.  Well, okay, maybe I'm not astounded.  It makes a sick sort of sense, as the most popular place tends to be the Haunted Mansion, with everyone wanting to be the 1000th Happy Haunt once they pass away.  There's a sort of romance to it, spending your eternity with Phineas, Ezra and Gus, The Singing Busts, and Master Gracey?

And before you say anything at all, fuck you, Dwight.  I know Master Gracey isn't the Ghost Host, but he is in my head canon and there isn't shit you can say to convince me otherwise.  I've written incredible fanfictions based on this ride that none of you all will ever see and I know my shit.  I just choose to ignore that factoid.  Anyway, moving on.

So it's a thing to have your ashes scattered in Disney.  I don't know how often this happens anymore, but it happened a few years back and they straight up shut Pirates down for 45 minutes to make sure it wasn't bone matter.  It doesn't say whether or not it was, but the woman swears it was baby powder.  Okay, maybe it was.  Why the fuck were you scattering baby powder on Pirates of the Caribbean?

EDIT:  It was fucking bone matter and it took them a while to clean it up, according to multiple sources I'm too lazy to state.  Google it.

And evidently this is happening all over the park, though Pirates and The Haunted Mansion seem to be the most popular.  It's fucking nasty, though--and these idiots don't seem to realize that their loved ones are just gonna get cleaned up, especially in the Haunted Mansion.  What's even more alarming is that a bunch of comments all over the internet seem to say "Wow, we scattered ___'s ashes there in (insert year here) but we didn't know it was a big thing!"

Seriously?  Fucking gross.

                                     

Review: Our Kingdom of Dust

Beautiful cover graphic, isn't it?  It really sets the scene for the story inside, too.  I'm gonna try to do this without being too spoiler-rific, because the book is freaking awesome.  Actually, I might spoil a lot, and I don't fucking care.  I won't ruin the important bits though, honest.

The book is fast paced, and easily as in-your-face as his previous book, The Dark Side of Disney, which is easily the greatest Walt Disney World tour guide every written.  The book comes out swinging with what appears to be our hero Blaine's discovery of the grisly murder of a beautiful girl, and then cuts back to a brief synopsis of Blaine's life.  

I'm not normally a fan of blatant exposition, but Kinsey does it in such a way that it's terrifying and engrossing, and you're unable to tear yourself from the words on the page.  You find yourself in Blaine's shoes, wanting to tear your heart out when you read about the death of his dog Sam, which is somehow a thousand years more powerful than the death of Blaine's parents.  

Blaine, now well off, makes a desperate attempt to grab at his past by returning to Walt Disney World, a place his parents used to take him when he was a kid, only to find out that time had passed without him, meeting Jay, a creepy Disney-obsessed limo driver with something dark surrounding him that Blaine just can't seem to put his finger on--though we already know the man commits a terrible crime toward the end of the story.

We're introduced to a host of completely bizarre and totally interesting characters, including Charles, a kind old cast member determined to look out for Blaine, an old widow covered in teddy bears, a couple who've experienced a miscarriage aren't coping so well, a stalkerific creep with some massive, deep-seated issues, and finally the beautiful Lisa, who we already know to be our victim from the flash-forward at the beginning of the story.

We're also introduced to a terrifying drug--The Dust, the recipe for which is contained in the Evil Queen's heart box.  The book is a wild ride, and once I was finally able to sit down and read it, I was able to clean it up in a few hours, but I'm a fast reader--and it's a hard book to put down.

THE NEGATIVE:

The Horizons scene, and your mileage may vary with this.  He sees Mission: Space where Horizons should be, and he's pissed.  I mean hell, I'm pissed whenever I see Mission: Space because it sucks, but I don't get the pain he felt.  I wish Kinsey had spent a little more time describing Horizons to the reader because, and I'm sad to say it, I've never experienced it.  I've seen some pictures, and I know how important it is to many people, and I'd love to see it come back, but I was a little lost at this point.  However, I do know about that goddamn GIANT MICKEY HAND that was up on Spaceship Earth for a while, and I was right there with him on that note.

I wish we could have spent some more time with Lisa.  I get that the book was from Blaine's point of view, making that next to impossible, but I was left wanting to know more about her, which, I suppose, isn't an altogether terrible thing.

The dialogue in a few places felt a bit forced, especially some of Blaine's lines.  I grimaced once or twice, but other than that, it was fluid and natural.

THE POSITIVE: 

The book is fucking amazing.  The story is fucking amazing, the characters are amazing, and the fucking towel baby had me in stitches, and I don't care who I piss off when I say that.  It was hilarious in that 'holy shit' sort of way.

The comedic bits are hilarious, the parts that are supposed to be sunny and happy are sunny and happy, and there are some moments of terrifying suspense that are, well...terrifying.  The turkey leg segments are pretty grotesque too.  I'm not sure if that should go in good or bad actually.  All I know is that I'm going to get one and chew obnoxiously on it at some point when I'm surrounded by my other friends who have read it this year.

The attention to detail is pretty stunning, too.  I had NO idea what DermaBlend was before this book, and now I'm dying to get some.  I do amateur makeup, so finding out about something like this was pretty ground breaking for me.  The props in Jay's house are neat too, and you get to wondering at what lengths he's gone to obtain all of this shit--and then you begin to find out.

All in all, the positives WAY, way, way, way, way....way?  WAY outweigh the negatives, and this book is easily a 9 or 9.5 out of ten.  I wish it had been longer!  Now I'm out of shit to read!

Write something else, Kinsey!